I thought about my first time going natural (2004) and why I relaxed my hair. Here are the things I would tell my past self …

• Dealing with dry hair is a nightmare. Once you find a rinse out conditioner that works to moisturize your hair, use it as a leave in while you figure the rest out. 
• Don’t get caught up in using products specifically for black hair or natural hair. Keep an open mind because you never know what may work. I used a ton of curl activators when I first went natural in 2004, my hair and glycerin do not mix so I was left with a hot mess.
• If a product doesn’t work, give it up. This goes along with the previous piece of advice. Everyone may rave about a product and sometimes it’s a toss up as to whether something will work for you. If it doesn’t that’s okay. Put the product in a giveaway pile (for family or friends) if you don’t want to throw it away. In my opinion- do not mix a bunch of products together hoping to make some magic. If you’re a chemist by trade and you know what you’re doing, cool. For the rest of us, just toss the product out or give it away.
• Be gentle. Work with your hair, not against it. I see people on youtube and in real life being so rough with their hair- yanking combs and brushes through it…rolling their ends between clasped hands as if to start a fire. I don’t understand that. You’d have to be really lucky not get breakage from rough handling. If you want a head full of beautiful hair, be gentle. Take your time. If you get frustrated, stick your hair in a bun and do it another time.
• You can’t expect to be an expert at styling natural hair without practice. Your first time trying a style is likely to look a mess because like most things, it takes practice to get it right. Watch videos, read blogs and tutorials and practice the styles you like. Even if you do everything the right way, you may not like the outcome on your hair. Not every style will suit everyone. Take the time to figure out what will look best on you. If you are worried about doing something new, try it on a small section of hair before putting in the man hours to complete your whole head. If one flat twist turns out to be a hot mess, you only spent 5 minutes on it instead of 1 hour for and entire head of them.
• Anything that says it will create curls, soften hair for manageability, texturize, etc…is a relaxer (or chemical straightener). Put it down. It’s a relaxer or some other type of chemical process. I think I used a ‘men’s texture softener’ in my hair (in 2004) and months later I read that it was just another name for a chemical perm so I went ahead and relaxed bone straight. I also don’t think Brazilian keratin treatments and similar treatments and perms are healthy for the hair. The long term effects are just not as well known on kinky hair versus chemical relaxers with lye as the main ingredient.
• Give yourself time to learn and get used to your hair. I think a lot of us get frustrated with natural hair in the first couple years. Dealing with bone straight relaxed hair is very different from dealing with kinky or curly natural hair. It takes time to reprogram (so to speak) and learn haircare and styling techniques for natural textures. So many in my generation have been victim to chewed up, broken off, dry, brittle, relaxed hair. Most did not think the remedy for damaged relaxed hair was going natural, but the opposite (remedy for natural hair is relaxing) seems to be true. To put things in perspective, I’ll use myself as an example. I probably got my first relaxer at age 9. I was relaxed until age 19. Out of those 10 years, my hair was probably healthy, long, and thick for 5 of those years. I had not so nice relaxed hair for 5 years, before I decided I needed to cut it all off and do something different. I love my hair natural but if I didn’t love everything about it, I think it would only be fair to give it at least 5 years.
• If you decide to relax and later regret it, you can always transition or big chop. That’s the great thing about hair is that it grows and it’s just hair. No decision is really permanent really…

If you have any tips or advice you’d like to share or questions/frustrations of your own, comment below!